Dealing With Overly Helpful Soccer Parents »
By Muz on Jul 22, 2008 in Coaching Youth Soccer
Although it is massively important that the soccer parents attend their children’s soccer games and soccer training in order to offer support and encouragement, it can become very annoying when they start getting overly helpful. This can become very disruptive and contribute to upsetting the well laid out plans that you have worked hard on refining. When a [tag-tec]soccer parent[/tag-tec] witnesses another parent giving instructions to players it is natural for some of them to start doing the same. This can severely disrupt the children’s concentration while driving them crazy in the process.
I have written a post some time ago on a similar topic which can be viewed Here , however I thought it was a timely reminder that I write another post on the involvement of parents in a game. This has come about as a result of an experience I had last weekend at a game I attended. At the outset, I would like to add that from my experience, I have never had any trouble with 99% of the parents of children I have coached.
In the incident I witnessed on the weekend, there was an overly vocal parent on the sideline that was yelling and berating not only their child but the opposition players along with their own coach. Unfortunately, this then lead to another parent having their say as well along with the coach and in the meantime the game was still going on. What a mess! Believe it or not, both the parents and the coach were close friends and these parents attended each training session and assisted the coach in running the sessions. The bottom line is that these parents felt that as they were assisting during the week at training that they then had the right to also assist at the game on the weekend and were yelling out instructions that were negative and contradictory to what the coach had planned. End result, confusion for the kids and an unsatisfactory result.
A soccer parent who is throwing out overly negative instructions to their child can destroy his morale, making the whole experience distressing. Children want to hear praise from their parents. Unfortunately, most of the instructions given by your self-appointed assistants will be completely wrong. It’s especially disruptive when they are shouting out the exact opposite to what you have been working hard on with the children in training.
The soccer coach needs to be extremely tactful when trying to deal with this situation to ensure there are no misunderstandings. After all, everyone involved will have the best interests of the children at heart. The best way to resolve this problem tactfully is to organize a preseason meeting, however in the case above a meeting with everyone concerned immediately. Make it clear to the parents that the children need to be able to use the soccer games as a learning experience. Explain that criticisms coming from the stands will only hinder their children by making them feel like failures when of course they are not.
The only thing that the children should hear from their parents on game day is general praise such as well-done, great job, unlucky and so on. [tag-tec]Soccer parents[/tag-tec] shouldn’t shout criticisms at the opposition or referees either. If this is occurring you should politely nip it in the bud. Make sure that your assistants at [tag-tec]soccer training[/tag-tec] understand how much you appreciate their help but on game day you need them to take a step back and let you as coach get on with your job. Make sure that they understand that when the children hear instructions coming from every which way, it is only going to confuse them and spoil their game.
Soccer Training, soccer-coach, soccer-parent, soccer-parents
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Posted in Coaching Youth Soccer | 5 Comments »
5 Comment(s)
By Don Lafferty on Jul 24, 2008 | Reply
It’s funny you should post this today, coach.
I too got an earful of a rude parent at a softball tournament recently which got me to thinking about the best ways to handle the situation.
Since ever situation is as unique as the people involved, coaches have to set the expectations early and stick to their guns immediately.
Don Lafferty
By Maureen on Aug 15, 2008 | Reply
My 8 year old son just started soccer in the fall of 2007. He enjoys playing very much and while his skills are behind many of the other players he does get it there.
The last two teams he was on did not win however he PLAYED! He joined the indoor winter team and I began to notice that he was not playing as much.
This last spring, again, he didn’t get as much time on the field. He did score his FIRST goal this season.
this summer, I am outraged since his playing time is approx. 4 -5 minutes per 25 minute halfs. One game he actually played 3 MINUTES of half a game! I pulled him when th 2nd half started and he was not put in AGAIN. the same key players rarely got pulled.
Do I have a right to address this issue with the coach?
Just not sure of protocol.
Looking forward to your response.
(BTW, single mom and dad rarely attends games so not sure if that has an impact. I do want to puncutate that my son is an okay player and does get in to take the ball he just needs MORE TIME playing and he’ll improve.
Thanks.
MM
By Muz on Aug 20, 2008 | Reply
Hi Maureen,
This situation is very common unfortunately. I am sorry to hear that your son is not getting sufficient game time. To only be given 5 minutes a half is not acceptable.
At his age your son needs to enjoy the game as he is obviously keen to learn new skills and be a part of the team and he probably feels at the moment he is not part of the team.
You have every right to approach the coach. I would not do it when your son is around or if there are any other parents around. It is best to do either face to face or over the phone.
It sounds like the coach is taking the games far too serious and competitive for players at such a young age. He needs to be made aware of this. It is about fun and learning and developing – although everyone likes to win, it is secondary at this age. If after discussing the situation with the coach, the situation does not improve, I would then contact someone from the club you are involved with and explain to them what is happening.
I am sure though that after you have brought it to the coaches attention, things will change. He is probably just getting caught up with the game and forgetting what the overall objective of soccer is at this level and that is to have fun and help the kids learn and develop.
Keep in touch and let me know how you go and thanks for the comment.
Regards,
Muz.
By Maureen on Oct 5, 2008 | Reply
I really blew it…
I resigned my son up for fall soccer. He’s 8 years old. I was the person who complained about the little playing time. I never did meet with the coach and my son didn’t want to go to one game and then the last game the season ended so I chalked it up to a learning curve. Team sports are new to me.
So fall practice began. I received an e-mail advising practice was only on Weds. I immediately let the coach know I could not make Wed. since I have class at the same time. He basically said that was the only time. Usually coaches try and alternate days so that parents can work it out.
I went to the head of the club and let them know immediately and requested a refund since the coach did not offer any flexible days and had I known, i would not have signed my son up.
Fortunately for the league, all the teams were full and they could not move my son.
I thought about it and asked if he could play the games and I would get him to the few practices when my class was canceled.
The head of the club informed me that would be okay and that Jack would play 50% of the time. He also hinted to me that he had previous issues with this particular coach. He insisted that I have his cell phone number with me when I went to the game.
We missed 4 games. My son and I arrived at the field today 30 minutes and I was not sure who his coach was so after 15 minutes we found the coach and realized he was his same indoor WINTER coach. When my son & I walked over, he didn’t even acknowledge my son. I sent my son to hang with the team.
The game started and as I was sitting with a parent I knew from previous seasons she could see I was upset. I explained because the coach is sending the other boys in 2 & 3 times and my son sat at the end. She then told me her husband had an issue with the coach about her son playing for 4 minutes and now her husband clocks the time.
As I watched my son, I could see he kept wiping his eyes…the coaches completly turned their backs on him.
Here’s where I BLEW IT…First, this was a new field for us and I did not know that we were not allowed to be by the boys on the sidelines. Up to this season, the boys were always with the parents.
I went to my son and he asked why he wasn’t being played and I said because your coach is not being very nice and is trying to teach us a lesson. I said he is not being a nice man.
The coach overheard my comments and came into my face and told me to stop talking in front of the boys and to leave the sidelines immediately.
I did leave and I said, you know I am not the first parent to have a problem and he said yes you are.
I sat out the rest of the game and he did play my son.
The team lost.
My son and I left the field. Two hours later I received a very intimidating e-mail which slanted what actually occurred on the field and blamed me for the team losing.
I guess I must resolve to the fact that I cannot allow my son to continue in this sport…
I in the meantime, have learned a very VAlUABLE lesson.
I hate learning curves and I admit I should not have made comments however I could not believe a coach of 8 year olds was treating my son like this.
So I have learned:
Never to go to the sidelines.
Never talk about the coach even though he is a bully.
Children should be allowed to play 50% of the time.
You have been very helpful. Is there anything else I should know? I really hate learning the hard way.
By Soccer Jerseys on May 19, 2009 | Reply
This situation is very likely to happen in children’s soccer games.
I agree with what you said, Parents should concentrate more on giving their children some moral support rather than throwing negative criticisms to other teams.
This is humiliating to the whole team and to the children.